Separation anxiety and the human–dog bond: an interview with veterinarian Teresa García Cuenda

By Pascale Saravelli, canine educator and co-director of Social Dogs Mallorca.

Separation anxiety is one of the most common behavioural problems in dogs, and also one of the most misunderstood.

Behind the barking, destructive behaviour and nervousness when their person leaves the house, there is no disobedience or “naughtiness”: there is emotion. There is fear, insecurity and, often, a bond that needs to be rebalanced.

In a society where we increasingly seek connection with our animals, the human–dog bond has become more intense than ever. But do we really know how to build a bond that provides security without creating dependency? Are we prepared to support our dogs emotionally when they are unable to regulate their own emotions?

Teresa García Cuenda, veterinarian specialising in separation anxiety

To explore these questions, we speak to Teresa García Cuenda, a veterinarian specialising in separation anxiety. But before anything else, she considers herself a human being. And a caregiver to Reina and Dama, two dogs who are her teachers and remind her that caring does not mean imposing, that good intentions and affection are not enough, and that self-imposed expectations must also have their limits: “Virtue lies in balance.”

We talk to her about separation anxiety and that more invisible, yet essential, aspect of living together: the emotional balance between dogs and humans.

Teresa, when we talk about separation anxiety, what are we really talking about? Is it simply that a dog “doesn’t know how to be left alone”, or is there something deeper going on emotionally?

When we talk about separation anxiety, we are generally referring to the emotional state a dog experiences when left home alone.

In most cases, the focus is placed on the dog, as though their emotional state were entirely independent of the emotional state of the family they live with, the quality of life they have, or the relationships they maintain with each family member and with the other beings in their environment in general. But a dog is neither a machine nor a being independent of their surroundings.

The reality is that, as social individuals, dogs’ emotional states depend on a range of factors.

From my perspective, we all influence one another. That does not mean this influence is necessarily positive or negative. I am simply talking about influence, and there will be aspects in which it is beneficial and others in which it is detrimental.

This morning, I assessed a dog who, at first glance, appeared to be suffering from separation anxiety. Everything seemed to point in that direction.

If we looked only at the surface, some people would conclude that the dog was indeed suffering from separation anxiety.

However, the dog's caregiver is receiving therapy herself, and thanks to her level of self-awareness and understanding of her dog, she asked me whether it was possible that her dog was living in a constant state of alert because of the domestic violence they were experiencing within the family.

As she herself explained, there is no physical violence. But there is tension, and sometimes raised voices.

Could this affect the dog?

For me, the answer is undoubtedly yes. It has a direct effect.

Could this leave the dog's nervous system in a state of alert?

Undoubtedly, yes.

On the other hand, the nervous system and the way each animal manages their emotions do not depend exclusively on the family environment in which they live. They also depend on the animal's genetics and even on their experiences in the womb: how the mother felt during pregnancy, the position the foetus occupied in the womb in relation to its siblings, the way the puppy was born, how the umbilical cord was cut, the environment in which the whole process took place and, of course, the way the puppy experienced their first days of life.

Ultimately, I believe we cannot simplify the issue. We need to understand that everything forms part of a much broader context than we can appreciate at first glance.

What tends to lie at the emotional root of separation anxiety in dogs?

Most of the dogs I assess and diagnose with separation anxiety share a common underlying issue: difficulty managing their emotions in other areas of their lives.

This may involve generalised anxiety, insecurity, fear or a deteriorating relationship with their caregiver. In many cases, we also see reactivity out on walks.

Is it more closely related to insecurity, hyperattachment, previous experiences or the way the bond with their caregiver is built?

Honestly, I think this is a very complex question to answer. To truly assess how the bond with a caregiver has developed, I would need to live in that person's home. And even then, I could not say whether it was due to one factor or another.

There is one thing I feel very strongly about: if there is emotional instability within the family, or little empathy for what the animal is actually feeling, the bond between the dog and their caregiver is much more likely to be weakened. And once that happens, difficulties with emotional regulation can arise quite easily.

That said, it is also important to bear in mind that certain factors are considered predisposing factors. In other words, we have observed that certain circumstances are associated with a higher likelihood of a dog developing separation anxiety. These include moving house, a couple separating, the arrival of a new family member or the departure of someone who used to live in the household, a traumatic incident, or spending a holiday enjoying lots of quality time together before suddenly returning to a routine in which the dog is left alone for many hours again.

Many people feel guilty when their dog struggles to be left alone. What role does the human's emotional state play in this problem?

In my view, in most human–dog relationships, dogs need their caregiver to be a point of reference and a stable foundation in every sense, including emotionally.

Although I have seen cases in which a person was emotionally or mentally unbalanced while their dog was very well balanced, in general, I find that the more emotionally stable the person is, the more balanced and stable the dog tends to be.

Do you think dogs pick up on our anxiety or insecurity?

Emotions are contagious. And this does not happen only between members of the same species; it also happens between animals of different species.

As I mentioned earlier, I find that if a person experiences very high levels of anxiety, or anxiety that persists over time, and the dog already has an unstable foundation when it comes to emotional regulation, it is quite easy for the dog to end up experiencing anxiety too.

The same applies to insecurity.

I also see cases in which dogs have an extraordinary level of mental and emotional stability and can even help a person move out of that emotional state.

I am not talking about therapy dogs, or about using a dog as a way for someone to manage their emotional instability.

What I mean is that emotions are indeed transmitted from people to dogs and from dogs to people.

Where is the line between a healthy bond and an unbalanced emotional dependency?

For me, there is no theoretical line, but there is a practical one.

And that line is wellbeing and autonomy. If a dog and a person enjoy sharing their lives and have the ability to understand one another mutually — genuinely understand each other, through both intuition and knowledge — there is a good chance they have a healthy bond.

When a person cannot be without their dog, or a dog cannot be without their person, or when they can be apart but experience tension, sadness or any other emotion so intense that it overwhelms them and diminishes their wellbeing or quality of life, I would consider that an unhealthy dependent relationship.

Some people feel good when their dog becomes sad as they leave. It can feed our ego because it is easy to think, “This is because they love me so much.”

But the reality is that this has nothing to do with love. A dog does not struggle because they love their caregiver so much. They struggle because the relationship has become unhealthy, with a level of dependency that prevents them from continuing their life normally during the hours or days they spend apart from their caregiver.

This is harmful to the dog. And there may come a point when it becomes harmful to the person too, who can end up feeling trapped.

¿Dónde está la línea entre un vínculo sano y una dependencia emocional poco equilibrada? 

Para mí no hay una línea teórica. Pero si hay una línea práctica. 

Y esa línea para mí es el bienestar y la autonomía. Es decir, si un perro y una persona disfrutan compartiendo y tienen mutuamente la capacidad de comprenderse (de verdad, no sólo con intuición, si no con intuición y conocimiento), es bastante probable que haya un vínculo sano. 

En el momento en el que la persona no puede estar sin el perro o el perro no puede estar sin la persona, o pueden estar pero hay tensión, tristeza, o cualquier otra emoción con una intensidad que le desborda y le hace perder bienestar o calidad de vida, para mí ahí estaríamos hablando de una relación de dependencia insana.

Algunas personas se sienten bien porque su perro se pone triste cuando se van, y esto puede llenarnos el ego porque es fácil pensar "esto es porque no quiero mucho". Pero es la realidad es que esto no tiene nada que ver con el amor. El perro no se queda mal porque quiera mucho a su tutor. El perro se queda mal porque tiene una relación insana, un nivel de dependencia que no le permite continuar su vida con normalidad las horas o los días que esté separado de su tutor. Y esto es dañino para el perro, y puede llegar un punto en el que también sea dañino para la persona y llega a sentirse atada.

How can a caregiver tell whether they are fostering autonomy or, without realising it, reinforcing excessive attachment?

I have a family case that illustrates this very well.

I believe that, for someone to genuinely foster a dog's autonomy, they need to understand canine communication, psychology and emotions.

Living with a dog for years is not enough. Of course, sharing your life with a dog helps you get to know them quite well. But without the knowledge I have just mentioned — canine communication, psychology and emotions — you are almost certain to misinterpret many everyday situations. And this can make it harder for the animal to develop independence and autonomy.

From my point of view, it is very important for people to be aware of the kind of relationship they have with their dog and whether they are projecting their own needs, beliefs and emotional shortcomings onto them.

I often see people who need to feel useful. One way this manifests itself in their relationship with their dog is by not allowing them to be autonomous.

For example, if a dog wants the ball that is stuck underneath the sofa, instead of giving them the opportunity or time to assess the situation and work out how to retrieve it, the person simply hands them the ball.

What will the dog do next time?

They probably will not even try to get it out. They will look at the person or bark to ask them to do the work for them.

If the dog could retrieve the ball themselves, then, in my view, handing it to them straight away is not helping them. It is limiting their mental abilities and restricting the range of emotions they have the opportunity to manage.

The person may say they do it because they love their dog. If they can do them a favour, why not?

But the reality is that they are satisfying their own internal need to feel useful and needed by their dog.

In your experience, what are the most common mistakes people make when trying to resolve separation anxiety? For example, ignoring the dog when leaving, providing interactive toys, using punishment or shutting them in a crate?

Leaving the dog alone “little by little”, starting with a few minutes and gradually increasing the time. For me, this is the main mistake, because it asks a dog who has not yet learnt to remain calm, not even for 30 seconds, to manage several minutes alone.

This has a lot to do with human expectations. Because our goal is for the dog to be left alone for several hours, we consider two, three or five minutes to be very little, and we assume they should be able to tolerate it. That they should be able to get used to it.

The reality is that the dog may well adapt, but this is not the right approach, because we would be forcing them to endure a situation they are not yet able to manage.

In my view, the process needs to be much more gradual. In my therapy work, we call this working below the anxiety threshold.

Another mistake is believing that giving a dog much more exercise will make this emotional difficulty go away.

This makes about as much sense as asking a person with anxiety to engage in intense physical activity immediately before an event that triggers their anxiety. It is not usually a particularly sensible strategy. In fact, the opposite is generally true: if someone knows they are going to face a situation that makes them anxious, they try to approach it in a relaxed state so they can remain calm during the experience.

It is well established that moderate, appropriate exercise stimulates the release of endorphins and other beneficial neurochemicals. We agree on that. But it does not mean that intense exercise before an anxiety-triggering event will eliminate the anxiety associated with such a distressing experience.

And, of course, I believe there is absolutely no point — and very little empathy — in telling a dog off, shutting them away, rubbing their nose in their urine or faeces if they have toileted indoors, or rubbing their nose against any object they may have destroyed.

These actions are not merely counterproductive; they also demonstrate a serious lack of understanding of the emotions the animal is experiencing and the situation they are going through.

I do not say this to judge anyone. But if even one person reading this interview is doing these things, I would strongly encourage them to stop and seek professional help from someone who specialises in separation anxiety.

When you work with a case of separation anxiety, where do you start? How important is it to assess the family context, routines and emotional dynamics within the home?

Whenever I receive a case that initially appears to involve separation anxiety, we begin with an assessment. This happens in absolutely 100% of cases.

This step is essential because it provides the foundation for determining the type of therapy the family needs to implement with their dog.

In fact, I have seen cases in which therapy was not working because a difficulty that was not actually separation anxiety was being treated as such, and vice versa.

A simple example might help explain this. Imagine that someone has a broken arm.

When they go to the doctor, they explain that they are in pain and where it hurts. If they simply say that they are in pain, the doctor needs to examine the whole body before operating to establish exactly where the problem lies.

Can you imagine a doctor operating on a random part of the body without knowing where the pain is actually coming from?

Everyone understands that if the broken bone is in the arm, that is the part of the body that needs treatment. If the doctor operates on the knee instead, they will have performed surgery, but the person will still be experiencing exactly the same pain.

Why? Because the treatment — surgery, in this case — has not been applied to the injured area.

The same thing happens with separation anxiety.

Just because a dog becomes extremely distressed and displays intense behaviours when left home alone does not necessarily mean they have separation anxiety. It means they are struggling with being left alone, but we need to understand the nature of that difficulty, because there are actually seven different reasons why a dog might struggle in this situation.

So, before starting therapy, we need to establish which type of therapy is appropriate. This allows the person to invest their time, effort and money in a specific treatment that will genuinely help them.

Is it possible to prevent separation anxiety in puppies or newly adopted dogs?

It would be wonderful if we could prevent 100% of cases of separation anxiety. Unfortunately, this is not currently possible.

Why? Because we still do not know the exact cause that makes some dogs develop separation anxiety while others do not.

What we do know is that separation anxiety is not caused by pampering a dog. So, if you enjoy cuddling your dog, sharing moments together on the sofa or even sleeping together, go ahead. You can continue doing so.

The idea that dogs develop separation anxiety because they receive affection is a myth.

That said, as we discussed earlier, we do not know the exact cause, which means we cannot eliminate it.

What we do know is that certain factors have a considerable influence — although they are not decisive — on whether a dog may develop separation anxiety.

For example, puppies weaned before the age of three weeks are known to be more likely to develop separation anxiety.

What practical advice would you give from day one to help build a healthy, secure bond?

I really like this question, although it is not at all easy to answer in just a few lines.

My first recommendation would be for people to educate themselves before their dog even arrives home. They need to gain a fundamental understanding of the dog's actual needs and, for me, something essential: learning how the animal thinks, how they express themselves and how we can understand what they are feeling.

Naturally, this is not something people can learn simply by watching free videos on YouTube. They need to make a genuine commitment to their animal's wellbeing and to building a healthy bond from the very beginning.

For example, one widespread misconception that people need to let go of is the idea of dominance and submission.

They need to develop a thorough understanding of the calming signals they will see in their dog, learn to distinguish normal behaviours from signs of stress, understand what constitutes a good-quality walk and know how to provide one, recognise which types of play are beneficial and which may be counterproductive, and foster good-quality social relationships between their dog and other beings, whether humans or other animals.

For me, one of the most fundamental aspects of building a healthy, secure bond from the start is that, once people have acquired this knowledge, they understand their dog's individual pace and respect the type of interaction their dog needs.

They will only be able to recognise this accurately if they have the knowledge I have described. Otherwise, they will be interpreting everything purely from a human perspective.

Intuition and good intentions are, of course, essential, but they are by no means enough.

What would you say to someone who is emotionally exhausted because their dog cannot be left alone? How do you support the human throughout the process too?

First, I would tell them that I completely understand how they feel and that I am sorry they have not been able to resolve the problem sooner and have reached this point, particularly if they have already sought help from other professionals and lost hope.

I would, of course, encourage them to give it one last try.

They may feel that helping their dog is extremely difficult or even impossible, but the reality is that almost all dogs improve when they receive a proper assessment and follow a therapeutic process that genuinely respects both the dog's emotional and mental wellbeing and that of the person.

In any type of dog-related therapy, I believe it is essential to empathise with the caregiver and help them let go of any guilt they may be carrying about things they feel they did wrong.

I always start from the premise that we all do the best we can with the resources we have. If something was not done better in the past, it is because the person did not know how to handle that situation or context better at the time.

And, particularly during separation anxiety therapy, I believe it is essential to adapt the treatment to the individual needs of the caregiver and help them understand that their dog is not somehow flawed, defective or being difficult on purpose. They are a dog expressing what they feel and what they need.

Separation anxiety is an extremely difficult experience for the dog going through it.

To make the therapeutic process as effective as possible, I help the person develop a deep sense of empathy for their dog and navigate the process as kindly as possible, both towards themselves and towards their dog.

From your perspective, what does a dog really need to feel emotionally secure? Beyond training in the technical sense, what role do consistency, predictability and emotional connection play?

From my perspective, training does indeed have little to do with whether a dog feels emotionally secure.

I believe the caregiver is the key figure in helping a dog feel emotionally secure. Conversely, if that foundation is unstable, if there is no bond or unconditional trust between the dog and their caregiver, the dog is more likely to feel emotionally insecure in certain situations or even more generally. This may, or may not, be expressed through behavioural difficulties.

I believe predictability is important for most dogs. It helps them know what is going to happen and, in challenging situations, can help them feel much safer and more emotionally stable. It also means they experience fewer unexpected shocks throughout the day, particularly when they are more sensitive.

It is essential for a caregiver to be empathetic and consistent in their thoughts, emotions and actions. This allows them to be steady and clear, which generally conveys emotional stability because the dog can anticipate how their caregiver will behave.

Conversely, if someone tries to calm their dog when they bark at a neighbour one day, but suddenly gets angry when the dog barks at that same neighbour the next day, they are clearly being inconsistent.

This will confuse the dog because they no longer know whether they can rely on their caregiver when faced with a situation that overwhelms them emotionally.

This is not a problem with the dog; it is a matter of consistency and clarity on the part of the person. From there, the caregiver can help the dog overcome those situations — or, on the contrary, make the dog feel even more confused, potentially leading them to react more intensely.

If you had to sum up a healthy human–dog bond in one key idea, how would you define it? And how does that bond influence the animal's emotional stability?

This is quite a challenge!

For me, a healthy bond is based on unconditional trust between both parties, a mutual understanding of even the smallest details, and freedom within healthy boundaries.

From my perspective, almost all dogs who share a healthy bond with their caregiver enjoy greater emotional stability. This is clearly reflected in their quality of life, in their behaviour and emotional state during walks and at every other point throughout the day.

Conversely, I believe that when this bond breaks down, it becomes very difficult for the dog to experience genuine emotional wellbeing. In the same way, this can be reflected in one or more areas of their life.

A final reflection

Understanding separation anxiety forces us to look beyond the symptoms. It is not simply about teaching a dog to stay home alone, but about helping them feel safe even when we are not there. And that sense of security is not built through quick fixes, but through consistency, patience and a bond founded on trust and autonomy.

Perhaps the real learning is not just for the dog. Maybe we, too, need to reflect on how we love, how we support one another and how we maintain a balance between closeness and independence.

Because a healthy bond is not one in which separation never happens, but one in which, even when it does, both know that the connection remains intact.